Highlands Cluster Uniting Church

A reflection after the premature arrival of Zach and Jemimah

I recently heard a moving interview with Caroline Jones, host of Australian Story on ABC1.  In the interview she tenderly spoke of the decline and death of her elderly father and the ensuing grief that engulfed her.

Whilst issues of depression are now making it into the headlines, our contemporary culture still shies away from talk of death and the dirty word grief.  Indeed in the same way that issues of sexuality used to be ‘taboo’ I think death and grief have become new ‘taboo’ topics.

As so many Victorians continue to struggle to make sense of life after the shocking devastation of the bushfires in February, their process of grieving has been made all the more difficult because the reality of suffering is so often avoided in our society.

Grief is different from depression, as Caroline wisely pointed out in her interview.  Grief is not something that a prescription can fix, or a 10 point plan can alleviate.  There are certainly things that can help the grieving process.  Talking about it can help, exercise can be beneficial, weeping is good, journaling can be very important, prayer can be sustaining, worship can nourish and having a break from the grief by doing distracting enjoyable activities with friends can also be invaluable.

However, ultimately grief yearns to be lived through.  Grieving takes time and energy. Grief is exhausting.  When we experience difficult times of suffering and loss we choose how we will react.  We can bury our heads in the sand and pretend that things are ok perhaps by becoming super busy.  We can fall for the lie that we should ‘get over it’, keeping our feelings firmly locked down, feeling guilty that we are not ‘better’.  Or like Caroline Jones we can enter the grief and let it slowly and painfully uncoil and flow through us.

In the interview Caroline went on to say “I don’t think you ever get over grief, you are changed by it forever.”  I agree with this and how we will be changed will be deeply influenced by how we choose to respond to the grief in the first place.  When we choose to go the hard way; when we face the inevitable questions, fears, uncertainties and sadness that grief throw up, we have a rare opportunity to reflect deeply on what is at the core of things.  When we let ourselves really be confronted with death and suffering we have the possibility of seeing what really is important in life.

By facing the hard reality of suffering and dying our living can be deeply enriched.  God is in this.  Not the ‘fix it’ God - but God who enters right into our living and suffering and dying in Jesus and who through the Spirit will not abandon us in our dark valleys.  If we have the courage to sit with our darkest grief and allow the Holy One to sit with us in this hard place, here from this place new energy, gentle strength and profound wisdom can rise.

Rev. Sally Douglas